My Break Up with My Scale
If you are having a hard time in your relationship with your scale, this one is for you.
We tell ourselves that the scale “grounds us” - meaning it is a cold, hard number // It is factual // The number on the screen that you look down at between your toes could not tell you anything but the truth // We find comfort in the scale // It’s black and white // It’s something we can experience alone // Not in front of an audience // It’s not something we have to ask permission to use // It’s a secret // Theoretically, we could be weighing ourselves 18 times a day and no one would ever know // We tell ourselves the scale is evidence for or against any other argument // The scale tells the truth, we reason.
What can accompany this sense of grounding can be other things; shame, sadness, resentment, regret, disappointment, embarrassment. We tell ourselves the scale provides reinforcement, validation, organization, feelings of steadiness, safety, and control.
With eating disorders, the scale can become your best friend, your wife, your husband, your sister, your brother, your other half. It can also be the most unhealthy and toxic relationship you have ever had.
The Daily Ritual — wake up, pee, weigh-in.
We tell ourselves that the scale never lies to us - that it’s brutally honest 365 days of the year. In this thought pattern, we are forgetting what the point of it all is; control and safety - these two things can be something that we feel we have lost throughout our eating disorder/disordered eating. People with eating disorders, disordered eating, cognitive distortions and/or unhealthy body image issues will cling to the scale because it feels like it is one of the only forms of control and safety they have - but here is the kicker - the scale is controlling you, not the other way around. Let that sink in — the scale is controlling you, not the other way around. If the number is “too high” or “too low” we are letting it control how the rest of our day and/or week is going to go. If the number is “just right” it keeps us safe and we reward ourselves, or we use that as fuel to “keep going!” We actually lose a sense of control when we worship the digital number between our toes every morning.
Weight can be one facet of health but it is not the measure of worth or of over-all health. And yes, of course, there are going to be times when doctors need to step in for medical issues when it comes to weight - but this is reserved for a doctor or medical professionals training and expertise. Rather, my part in this is speaking from a stance of our mental and emotional health, and how that can affect our physical health in the world of relationship with food and body. It’s not about the weight - it’s about the control and the safety that the weight provides for us. I work with my clients to get to a point where no matter what that number on the scale says at the doctor's office, they respond gently to themselves and their body. Because that’s the whole point - we can only work on ourselves from a place of love. If we do not work from a place of love, it won’t be sustainable. You are allowed to appreciate every single version of yourself. You are also allowed to talk about your relationship with your weight, and the areas of compassion, sadness or grief of your weight. You can talk about the trauma behind your weight, or behind your body image.
I broke up with my scale because it was controlling me. I denied it for years - but looking back, I see it clear as day. My scale controlled what kind of day I was going to have, how I was going to treat myself, what I was going to eat (or not eat), what I was going to wear, what social activities I was going to go to (or not go to), what kind of social worker/student/sister/daughter/girlfriend/ friend I thought I was that day, and so much more. “Breaking up” with my scale didn’t mean never getting on another one again - it meant when I do get on one (like at my annual doctors appointments throughout the year) I am going to respond with love. I am not going to let that number control or define me // I won’t let it determine how I am going to treat myself that day // I am still going to eat the chicken cutlet sandwich from the Italian deli down the street // I am not going to let it shame me from wearing that new jumpsuit I got from Free People // And I most certainly will not let it define who my character is and how I view myself. Because there are so many other parts of me that people love and that I love.
I saw a post on Instagram recently that reminded me of this reality: When I think of the person I admire most in this world (YKWYA!) and the qualities that they hold - not one of those qualities is their body or weight.
